There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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