Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
