Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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