I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
