I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
