This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
