so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
