Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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