Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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