my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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