tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
