is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've blown a few things in my day
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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