see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
