Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
