ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
