I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This baby is an asshole
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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