walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
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Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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