Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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