Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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