my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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