the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
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I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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