walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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