as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
