I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
