I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize