I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
