she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Randomize
