I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
