Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
