I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
