Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
