Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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