I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's never too late to be topless.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
