hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
