I need help removing her.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
