Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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