New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
