And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
