I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
