It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
