I wanna passion pit in your ass
Say something about gay babies.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
