Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
