Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
