I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
