shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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