I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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