$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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