Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
