The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
