he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
