at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
