I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
