Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
