Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
