I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
