When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
