why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
