I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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