i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
