i think my mom watched the whole time
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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