Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
