Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
