dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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