His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
birth control should be required to get into college
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
