I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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