The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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