I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
