Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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