I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
COCAINE IS GR8
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
