Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
