I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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