I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
