On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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