oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
