yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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