last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
