are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
