Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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