when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
